Surrounded by northwoods hipsters. Ugh.
And we’re back! After 4 months I finally got a new phone that will actually let me update the blog again.
Nursing Esther tonight I started reflecting back to where I was a year ago - around 20 weeks pregnant, halfway through the pregnancy, getting ready for my first almost relevant Mother’s Day.
It was at that time that my hormones went bazerk and I was hit with the reality of what it was going to take to be a mother. Or at least what I thought it was going to take. I threw myself on my bed in a tantrum explaining to Michael that I didn’t want to be anyone’s mom. It was too much responsibility, too much planning, and too little sleep. I didn’t think I was cut out for it.
Fast forward 21 weeks, and loads of planning later. We just delivered Esther, and she was placed on my chest. From the moment I laid eyes on her I knew I could do it. All the doubt was washed away by a wave of the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced. It’s never waivered or faded since, and I know it won’t.
There have been many long nights, and very early mornings. Everytime I think of how tired I am, all I have to do is look at that little face and it’s all worth it.
Here we are 7 months and 7 days old, and I’m still tearing up while nursing her to sleep. I stare down at her chubby cheeks, her fuzzy head, and her curious hands and I fight back the urge to squeeze her so hard… well who knows what would happen. She reaches up her hand to my mouth for me to kiss it, and then she extends it up to the ceiling, reaching for the stars that are reflected from her nightlight. And I couldn’t be more proud or more in love.